Chapter 4: Intermission 4

As the IKP returns from Kell Asteroid, Lazlow and Fernwei wonder if there were always this many members of their adventuring party.

After going down in Romulus Collective history as the worst investigators literally ever, the IKP returns to kick back and relax with their many new companions.

A Villain's Welcome
It was while the confetti settled around them that the IKP realized that they hadn’t mentioned Klaudia, Wolfgang, Petunia, the six robot dogs, or the fact that they would be bringing them back to the base. Nyx had to cast Hold Person on Wolfgang again while Lazlow fetched something to tie him up to. The party managed to tie him to one of Lazlow’s rolling office chairs with a comical amount of chains. Toto, who had grown up into a young adult owlbear in the time they were gone (three days for the IKP; three months in the Material Plane) excitedly greeted the party, unaware of his size and strength. Meanwhile, Klaudia was visibly distressed and confused. At this point the IKP tried to explain what just happened, to varying degrees of success. Nyx tried to explain that multiple dimensions existed, and also that they had stolen their identities, and that the IKP worked for an inter-planar secret society, and also the differences between her plane and theirs; the IKP living in a high-fantasy world with powerful magic and Klaudia living in a more sci-fi plane with advanced technology. Krumgrum tried to convince her that her family was definitely dead (despite the party seeing the escaping airships on Kell; Krumgrum forgot this fact). Lazlow talked about how planar portals worked, and said that while it was possible to get Klaudia back to her home dimension, she could stay with the MMSS until then. Klaudia was confused, but asked, what with the magical dimension she was in, if this meant that anime was real. The IKP, not knowing what anime was, answered yes. She conceded that while it sucked that her planet got blown up, knowing that anime was real made her feel better.

Before debriefing the mission, they had to do something with Wolfgang. They decided to lock him in Lazlow and Fernwei’s lab with Callus as a guard, as he wouldn’t have paid attention to the meeting anyways. Also, Nyx gave Lazlow the blueprints for flying machines that he found in the warehouse, and was paid with a small pouch of gold.

The Part Where They Eat Croissants
This is the part where they eat croissants. Lazlow and Fernwei invited the party into the mess hall to discuss the mission. He told the rest of them to wait while he found some food, retreating into the kitchen. The party was surprised to learn that Lazlow could cook, as they had just assumed he subsisted off of instant noodles and coffee. Fernwei explained that Lazlow was surprisingly good at it, hinting at a backstory that the IKP hadn’t bothered to ask about. It was at this moment that he returned, carrying platters of croissants and other pastries. Lazlow elaborated that he considers baking to be one of the sciences. The IKP, who had been living off of fish sticks, french fries, beans, and pocket salad in varying configurations, were ecstatic - Klaudia, who had been living on Kell Asteroid her entire life, even more so.

Deal Gone Right
The next morning, Lazlow told them over breakfast that he had left the IKP’s paycheck for their last mission with Earendil at his shop, considering that’s the only place they ever spend their money. Before they could leave to go on another shopping spree, he also told Klaudia that while the portal to her home plane, which he had deduced to be the Plane of Mind, was destroyed, it would be possible to find another. However, it would take an indeterminate amount of time, presumably quite a while, to do so. Until then, she would be registered as a consultant with the MMSS.

With their mandatory team meeting finished, the IKP made their way to Forge’s Alley in order to spend their newfound cash. Earendil welcomed them back and gave them their paychecks: four hundred gold to each of the party members. A few party members tried to sell items to Earendil for extra cash, to varying degrees of success. Krumgrum bought the Magic Mystery Take-A-Chance Potion, Dancing Juice, and Magic Ring. Faetra bought the Spectacle Spectacles and the Snowy Chalice. Callus bought Dorian’s Gray Paints. Nyx bought the Assassin’s Garb and Sleepy Cozy, and alluded that he might put in a custom order later.

After their shopping was finished, the IKP went about their individual business over the course of their break.

Gnoming Around
Faetra, after being in alternate universe space for so long, felt that she had to reconnect with the earth. She spent her break meditating in the woods of the Strigidae Bluff and practicing her animal forms.

Dwarfing Around
Krumgrum, who had developed a god complex in the Plane of Mind after he learned the Fly and Fireball spells, decided to humble himself and go back to being a normal dwarf. To do this, he took up running around the forest on all fours, like a horse or perhaps a dog.

Callusing Around
Callus briefly considered a new workout routine that focused on agility and precision, but this was because he mistakenly believed that his new magic item, the Dorian’s Gray Paints, were a dexterity-based weapon. Somehow. After the rest of the party pointed out that they were a set of paints and not a weapon, Callus decided to instead polish his warhammer as usual.

Elfing Around
Nyx made good on his promise to teach magic to Klaudia and took her on as an apprentice. He taught her basic illusion spells and some combat training with Toto and Lassie. They frequently went out for bubble tea after lessons.

HOLIDAY SPECIAL: CHRISTMAS RUMBLE AT THE ((END OF SENTENCE))
As the party had leveled up from their adventure in the Plane of Mind, many of them were sporting new spells. One of these spells was Heroes’ Feast, learned by Krumgrum. The spell conjures a magical feast with a number of benefits, composed of the favourite foods of those the spell is being cast for.

For Faetra, it created salads with fruits and berries. Callus received ribs and other red meats. Krumgrum got a large mixing bowl filled with baked potatoes. Nyx ate an ambiguously fancy meal of spiced fish and mushrooms. Lazlow had a plate of pastries. Klaudia’s subconscious conjured sour gummy worms and a Subway sandwich. Fernwei’s food was mostly just smoothies and acai bowls. Wolfgang, who was allowed to sit at the table but was still wrapped in a comical amount of chains and not allowed to eat, created a regular sandwich with just an insane amount of hot sauce on it.

As they were eating this meal, as they did daily ever since Krumgrum learned the spell, the party heard the sound of chains above them. Out of nowhere, four large metal cages descended on top of Faetra, Callus, and Wolfgang, capturing them. They were then lifted upwards. The screen then cut to the snowy MMSS courtyard, where they were lowered down to the ground. This new party thought of a few ideas on how to escape, but before they could execute them, Nyx appeared in a flash of light conjured by Klaudia. He revealed that he had kidnapped the party with cages he built in his spare time in order to participate in a practice fight. At this point, he called Klaudia to wheel in a whiteboard for him, where he had drawn several graphs about the party’s fighting capabilities. He had two reasons for scheduling this, he explained. One; the party lacked experience fighting intelligent opponents. Two; Klaudia lacked any experience at all, basically, and could use an opportunity to study combat in a non-lethal environment.

Before he let the party out of their cages, he told them that Velloqui had given him homework when he saw her last in the Dream World, which was to subject the party to a puzzle in her stead. With a flash of coloured light, he conjured his “strongest puzzle”: the party’s cages changed to match their respective character’s associated colour, and cage-sized tiles colour-coded to these appeared. When asked how they were supposed to move the cages to their spots, Nyx revealed that the cages were very light, so if they jumped, they could wiggle them over to their place.

Krumgrum, Faetra, and Callus all tried to solve the puzzle genuinely, but Wolfgang moved his cage over to the wrong slot intentionally. However, Nyx’s puzzle was made incredibly badly, so once all the cages were in slots, even if they were wrong, the doors to the cages opened. Their swift solving of his “strongest puzzle” left Nyx broken psychologically.

They then assembled teams. Krumgrum, Callus, and Lazlow (who Nyx had threatened to sic Klaudia on if he didn’t participate) formed Team Lazlow. Nyx, Faetra, and Wolfgang (who they were “trucies” with for the sake of the fight) formed Team Friendship. Team Lazlow then changed their name to Better Team Friendship.

The obligatory strategizing period then began. Better Team Friendship’s plan was to do “the usual”, which roughly translates to “we have no plan”. Normal Team Friendship workshopped some combo moves. Nyx and Faetra’s combo move, titled “Roots and Berries” consisted of Nyx using the Box of Infinite Spiders, followed by Faetra using the Enlarge Insects spell to do exactly what you think that means. Wolfgang suggested “Oats and Hay”, a combo move in which Faetra turned into a horse, Wolfgang sat on the horse, and Nyx stood on his shoulder; then, they would all spin around really fast, “like a whirling dervish”, according to Wolfgang.

Combat then began. Krumgrum and Callus teleported behind Wolfgang, where they were met with an Ice Storm spell by Faetra. Nyx cast a Hex on Callus and Mirror Image on himself, creating illusory clones. Wolfgang ran away from Krumgrum and Callus, but not before getting hit by the latter. He then fired off a few arrows at Callus. Krumgrum cast Stinking Cloud on Wolfgang. However, because one of the benefits of Heroes’ Feast is immunity to poison, and Krumgrum had fed Wolfgang one of his baked potatoes earlier, the spell had no effect. Nyx and Faetra executed Special Combo Move “Roots and Berries”, creating a swarm of giant spiders around Krumgrum and Callus, who cast Flame Strike on Wolfgang in retaliation, burning away the stink cloud. Wolfgang cast Fog Cloud around himself to return to the mist again. Lazlow cast Dispel Magic on the enlarged spiders, but Faetra just cast Enlarge Insect again on her next turn. Nyx hit Callus with a sneak attack, knocking him completely unconscious. Wolfgang used the spell Suggestion to suggest that Lazlow surrender, which he was happy to accept. Krumgrum, now the lone survivor of Better Team Friendship, cast Fly on himself, growing bat wings and transforming into what he claimed was “Count Krumula” before flying into a nearby try. Faetra transformed into her Air Elemental Form, then flew up and knocked Krumgrum back to the ground, where Nyx and Wolfgang advanced on him. Cornered, Krumgrum cast Polymorph to turn himself into a giant ape, a self-explanatory creature that had significantly higher endurance than his base dwarf form but couldn’t cast spells and had less damage output.

The remaining players then realized that while Better Team Friendship could wear Krumgrum down over time without much issue, it would take way too long. Krumgrum insisted they call it a draw. With the fight over, Nyx asked if Klaudia was taking notes, to which she hurriedly closed and hid her Fantasy Nintendo DS. Krumgrum asked Klaudia to back him up on his claim that he would have won, to which she revealed her notes; she turned around the whiteboard, where she had written “You Suck” in big letters. This broke Krumgrum psychologically.

With the fight over, the party went their separate ways… for now.